Saturday, August 16, 2008

Olympic Thoughts

The times I think "I'm proud to be an American" have become less and less these days. But lately, the Olympics have been restoring my national pride. There is nothing like the fierce competition and unrelenting power of Michael Phelps to make an American hold his head high. I can't imagine how it feels to have just won your 16th Olympic medal. It's almost obscene. It sure makes my glory days look like...well you know.

Enough of that, onto what my blog is actually about. Reese! I took some pictures of him today riding his new toy. When I uploaded them to the computer later, I couldn't believe how big he has gotten! He's practically a toddler! And yesterday, to my utter joy and suprising dismay, he crawled (ish) for the first time. He has a unique style but he can get where he wants to go (if he tries hard enough!)

Sometimes I look at him and think "When did you get that big?? Or I'll think, "Maybe you'll be in the Olympics someday!" Sometimes I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up. Usually I get a "da da bah ga gooo" or something of that nature, followed by a smile and a giggle. I'm sure he has something spectacular in mind.
So, I started my new job three weeks ago. I like it. My friends ask me what I do and if I like it, and I say "yes" but I can tell I'm not very convincing. It's just that I can't explain what it's like to be a social worker and do what I do, but yes I do like it. Reese started back to daycare this week and ( Reed went back to work) and those first couple of days were hard on me. I had Reed drop him off on Monday and I went in to check on him on my way to work. He was sitting on the floor, bawling his eyes out, and when I picked him up he stopped. The problem was putting him down and leaving. It was not pretty. And I cried the whole way to work- for 3o minutes! Now Reese is fine and going to and coming home from daycare happy but it was one of those maternal tug on your heart moments! I put this guilt trip on myself constantly to be the "perfect everything" Perfect Mom, Perfect Wife, Perfect House, Perfect Appearance...and you know what I realized? I cannot stand those perfect people! I don't know if it is from jealousy that I can't pull off perfection (or at least the illusion of it) or if I just really hate those people who have all the secrets. I find myself envying stay at home moms as well as career moms who have polished images and houses. I am gone from the house nine hours a day, five days a week. I am my own worst critic. But I guess I could spend my little time at home doubting and criticizing myself or having fun with my little boy! I am doing my best every day to choose the l adder but I still face those vunerable moments when I encounter someone else who appears to have it all together. When it comes down to it, I think I am doing a dang good job (with the support of a great husband) and the smile on my baby's face let's me know it!