Friday, January 30, 2009


I title this post "Charged" because I just ate this crazy candy bar called "Snickers Charged." Basically it's just like Snickers but it has caffiene, taurine and B vitamins. Neat.

I feel a little weird now though.

I guess it's time for my monthlyish update. I swear I write to keep myself sane.

Let my start on a personal note. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to be someone else. I look at people in my life, friends, family, etc. and think, I want to be just like them! And while it's good to try to emulate positive characteristics of those I admire, why do I feel like I can't just be myself?? Do I dislike myself that much? When I was little, I used to be obsessed with the idea of being another person for a day and seeing what their lives' were like. As I grew up, I learned that being another person isn't that magical. Maybe it comes down to still not quite knowing what life is going to bring, what career I will ultimately end up in, where we might end up living....BUT Isn't that the beauty of it??? Life would not be exciting if we knew all the plans that God has laid out for us and I knew if five, ten years what kind of things would be going on. As far as wanting to be somebody else, why can't I focus on the positive qualities I possess, work to illuminate those and shut off my less endearing character flaws?
I think I tend to see others in their "Best" if you will, and I see myself in my "Worst." However, I often neglect the fact that I am not privy to the worst of others as most people hide their flaws, etc. I try to remind myself I am a GOOD PERSON with a GOOD LIFE but sometimes I really think it's JEALOUSY or envy that gets a hold of me. I see someone with a better life: it could be a better job, a better body, prettier hair, better house, nicer clothes, shoes or even a purse. The list could go on forever. In reality, I have no reason to be jealous of anyone else. I have pretty much everything I could ever really NEED or ask for. When I am so busy wanting what other people have, it's way too easy to enjoy all the things I already have!

The materialistic world really rubs off on me. When will I ever be good enough for myself?

Now feels like an appropriate time to list some things I have that I am so thankful for.

1. Having and knowing a God that forgives me despite all my shortcomings.
2. Having a supportive and die hard faithful/loyal spouse that also forgives me despite my shortcomings.
3. Having a loving and adorable, crazy wild son.
4. Making enough money to live comfortably and even have some of the luxuries of life.
5. Having a good job, an understanding boss, and the opportunity to help others every day.
6. Being part of a wonderful church that is like a second family.
7. Having parents that love me even when I mess up.
8. Having a good metabolism.
9. My sense of humor.
10. Waking up every day!

I feel a little better now :)