Sunday, January 23, 2011

I Surrender

I started thinking about this at church today but I'm not sure why. The message was not really about surrendering, I'm not sure, maybe God put it on my mind for a reason. This is it:

I surrender.

Not in your all or nothing, I'm going to let myself go, I'm going to let the dishes pile up in the sink, I'm going to plant my kid in front of the TV and curl up the the fetal position all evening kind of surrender.

More like:

I surrender the the fact that it's not going to get done all the time. That I can't have it all, all the time. But maybe I can have some of it, some of the time.

I surrender the fact that the laundry will never be done.
I surrender to the fact that I won't succeed at every business venture. Failure is a learning tool.
I surrender to the toys. Oh toys, I surrender to knowing that you do own my house and you have taken over. So be it.
I surrender to rushing. Being five minutes late isn't the end of the world if it gives me peace of mind.
I surrender to thinking that I don't deserve any time for myself unless everything else is done. Because it never will be.
I surrender to my ANGER. No one said that life was fair and that everyone gets what they deserve. So what?!
I surrender to my endless to- do lists.
I surrender to my negative thinking and multiple scenario building agenda that drives me and everyone around me crazy. I vow to be more flexible and expect a little bit less of others- any myself!
I surrender to the evil game of comparison I play with everyone in my life. Nothing good has come from it. Just because someone else does it differently or spends more time on something, or is smarter, taller (and maybe wiser) doesn't make them better than me.
I surrender to my own guilt. Only I can give someone or thing permission to make me feel inferior.

Finally, I surrender to being my own worst enemy. I can't do it all and I won't try anymore. I won't make everyone around me miserable watching me try and sucking them in with me.

So there, holy grail of perfect balance, there it is. My hands are raised in mock surrender. I will not fight this fight with you any longer. I will embrace the messy but beautiful chaos my life has become. I'm picking my battles- and this one is over.

The end.

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