Wednesday, January 19, 2011

ONE bag

Yesterday I brought one bag to work, a purse.

That's it. No pump bag (halleujah!), no lunch bag, no workout clothes bag. I swear I got out of my car to walk into the office and I felt like I'd lost something.

As I stop pumping, it's kind of bittersweet for me. No more time suck (pun intended) of sitting around, trying to multi-task with a machine attached to my body. But this somehow also ends the beginning of the end....of Savannah's baby-hood. No more new infant, we're past the multiple night feedings, reflux, nasty baby food, rocking to sleep and first smiles. On to cruising, walking, talking, and a little bit of attitude in my spunky little girl.

It was strange. Savannah had a (double) ear infection and was crying sometime around 4am. After I got her back to sleep, I had the weirdest thought.

"This is it?" This IS the last baby. A little pang of sadness came over me and I fell back into my never-long-enough slumber. For some reason this thought has stuck with me throughout the week. Do I want more kids? Not consciously! But I think I am mouring "the beginning of the end."

NEWS for the week:
  • Reese moved up into the "Pre-K 3" room at school. Does this mean I officially have a preschooler? He continues to say weird and random things such as "I don't have a girlfriend, I have a boyfriend." Strange. He also tries to touch Mommy in inappropriate places that I am sure he can't understand while I try to explain why we don't touch anyone like that. Sigh. I was sure I had years before I had to cross that bridge.

  • Per the advice of my mother after my mini meltdown (see previous post), I decided to see a therapist. Even though I am managing much better, I went today anyways. He says I don't give myself permission to just be myself, that I always have to be busy. We talked about career choices and he went into this whole, "If you could do anything" bit. I told him I'm a realist and that I've got a good job. I'm still stewing on the session and trying to decide if it's worth going again.

  • Reed suprised me with an early birthday present of a NookCOLOR. I love it. And him. Highly recommend.

The whole blog thing isn't going too well today, but here it is. I'd like to promise a better post to come, but I don't make promises I can't keep. Stay tuned.

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